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Sunday, May 17, 2009

BULLIES


have to touch base on a very troublesome topic, Bullying.
I wrote this in my journal at 2 am the other night, I couldn't sleep.
My son Ashton has been getting bullied badly since we moved to East China schools Gearing Elementary. I can tell you the zero tolerance policy has been proven thus far to be bullshit. My son is 12 years old, but emotionally he is delayed. If it wasn't for the mild impairment with that you would never even know he had developmental problems just meeting him. He asked me the other day if I was ever teased, and if I ever got so mad and depressed I wanted to die. As a mommy my heart broke into a thousand pieces, what do you do in a situation like that. I could only re-assure him that we would get to the bottom of things and that these feelings will pass. I told him if he kept feeling this way we would get him some help. I have since locked up all meds and I do not leave him alone anymore. He went through something similar when he was in kindergarten and I paid a first grader to kick the other kidnergardeners ass. I am not beyond hiring an older kid to do it again. Obviously talking to the other childs parents was useless, the behavior comes from somewhere big shock, and it isnt helpful when I am 10 seconds away from jumping across a table to punch someones teeth in.
All I know is this as I told my son.
He was put on this earth for so much more than being bullied. He was born 8 weeks early and almost dies, but he pulled through. Then at 14 days old he caught RSV and his lungs filled with fluid. He died 5 times on his way to the hospital, and multiple times once we arrived. Per Doctors orders I had to physically injure him to keep him awake and crying so they could try to stabalize him. When they couldn't do so he was put on life support and transferred to a special hospital. The nurses there told me I was being selfish and I should take him off the machines. They said even if he lived he would be a vegetable, but they said I was too young and ignorant to understand...some family members said this was my punishment for not beleiving in god. I knew in my heart of hearts though that he was strong. So for 21 days when I could I sat by his little lifeless body,as they sucked out liters of phlegm and fluid from his little lungs. I sang to him and read books...we even prayed to our gods. My heart wrenched whenever he coughed or cried, because no sound came out due to the tubes into his lungs. Then one day he started smiling and I could feel a presence with us, well more than one. And that was the first day I met my Spirit Guides and they have been with us since. That was the day the tubes came out and he cried for the first time in about a month.... It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

So when I think of all that I know one day 15 years from now when my son is making a difference in this world, those little bastards who are teasing him now will be asking him if he wants fries with his big mac!

I also know this one day the victim becomes the bully and as we learn from that there becomes hell to pay. So if you see bullying behavior in your kids or other kids try to stop it. I don't care if they are babies or teens, it ISN'T cute or something to be proud of. I also know for certain in one way or another it will backfire on them. We just need to stop the cycle people. Unfortunately easier said than done.

Peace out,
Raven

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5 comments:

Kelly said...

Raven, I knew Ash had some health problems because he was a preemie but I never knew it was such to an extent!! I am sure I have mentioned the health problems I had when Coty was only 13 days old and we were stuck in the hospital with hi, so I know how scary it was and painful it was for you to be completely helpless when your new baby is so sick. Now that they are growing and we are too as parents we learn to do what we can and leave the rest up to the powers that be. As far as the bullies go, you and I know what will happen to them karma or not :) I think Coty might be going through something similar or maybe just at the beginning stages, he has never actually said anything but I just get that motherly feeling that something has been bothering me. You are so lucky that Ash will open up to you! I wish Coty would open up to me more. He is actually coming out of his shell but more so as a comedian than anything, which you always hear about these famous comedians admitting that they decided to be funny as kids to mask to pain they were feeling from bullies or to make people like them. The other day there was a 15 year old boy that was kinda heavy set and a few other boys were calling him names then jumped him, beat him up and took off, Grace witnessed the whole thing and was so upset she cried for over an hour. She burned a candle for the kid that got beat up and did a binding on the other boys. But later after she calmed down she said, "i know why Coty doesn't like to go outside hardly, its because people call him fat" and then she started crying again, so I think the kid that got beat up reminded her of Coty or made her think that might happen to him to. Not sure but either way its so sad that kids are just getting worse and worse and these parents dont do a damn thing about it. You are a good mom Raven and I am sure Ash will come through this like a hero, he is such a good kid! I had a talk with Coty and like I said I get nothing out of him, he swears no one picks on him, but I feel sorry for the kid that does piss him off cuz he is a strong SOB let me tell ya LOL. I told him dont be afraid to use it if you have to, do not take any shit from ANYONE under any circumstances!! So all we can do is hope we are doing the right thing and that goodness will prevail and if not well we can always call on our dark side to take care of business LOL I love you lady !! YA YA

Rosemary Gunn said...

This absolutely broke my heart. I have no patience for mean people that bully, belittle and intimidate. You are an incredible person and beautiful mother. Your son sounds like a kind soul and I hope for something positive and longlasting to come from this situation.

Bella

Raven_Nightwind said...

Thanks you so much Kelly and Bella

Mama Kelly said...

I am so sorry for what your son is dealing with. My daughter has been coping with similar stuff for the past 2 years.

Give him an extra hug tonight and remind him he's not alone.

Mama Kelly
http://2witches.com/blog

mrsb said...

My son is also 12, and he is mildly autistic. He started in middle school this year, and has been bullied (and once physically assaulted) constantly. Thankfully, he was already working with a therapist, but we have been to the point several times this school year where I almost pulled him for homeschooling.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you want to punch someone's teeth in. One of the main problems at school lives 2 houses down from me, and his mother blames my kid for her kid's bullying ("if he wasn't so weird, we wouldn't have this problem"). I daily want to punch her, and thankfully she nor her kid have ever walked in front of my car (I jest! Really. Ish.)

And you are right. When our kids are out doing some good in the world, these nasty little bully turds will still be nasty little turds.